Last night was my first night at my new apartment. I got to New York Sunday afternoon and was dreading the whole ordeal. I packed my suitcase, resenting each shirt or pair of pants I folded and stuffed into it. My mom and I did a little decorating, part of which involved an attempt at turning a king & queen size duvet into a slip cover for a sofa (a work in progress, I assure you.) After my mother left, I closed the door behind her, took a deep breath, and turned around to face my fears.
I stood in the entry way in between the bedroom and the living room. What to do? I vacuumed. Now what? I made myself dinner with one pot, one frying pan and no microwave. What else could I do? I fluffed pillows, filed my nails, and watched TV. Is this what people do when they live alone? My bets are on whatever it is, they probably do it naked.
I read a book I haven't picked up since July. I watched more TV. I called my friends. I did anything I could think of to prevent myself from thinking about my mounting anxiety. Eventually it will get the best of me, but the longer I can put it off, the better. I finally climbed into bed, put on my favorite TV show and waited for sleep to come.
I tossed and turned the whole night. The air conditioner moaned loudly. My new pillows too fluffy to sleep on. My bed not yet broken in. I opened my eyes in the early morning hours, truly concerned that I had no idea where I was and no recollection of getting there. I fell back asleep. When I woke up for work and tried to open the bedroom door, I pulled and pulled but couldn't get it open. Could I really be stuck in my own bedroom on my first morning here? In retrospect, why would I expect anything less from myself! I finally got it together and took the 15 minute walk to work while I ate my yogurt and waffles on the way.
The day went by really fast and while I was dreading coming back to this apartment slightly less than I was yesterday, I realized something. The nonsense that goes on at work is so much easier to deal with when your commute goes from an hour and a half train ride to a 15 minute stroll through Manhattan. I guess you have to take the good with the bad. I haven't had this much free time after work in I don't know how long. I made an attempt to go to the gym until I realized that I'd left my ID card at my mother's house. I fixed some things up around the apartment. I almost went out for drinks but decided I didn't want to jump right into having a life after work just yet...(ha, ha).
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