Intern Chick

99% of the time, a simple task with me turns into an all out adventure. Why? Because that's the way it is!

I decided today that I needed to face my fears of city grocery shopping and get myself to the grocery store about 7 blocks from my place, so I took out the granny cart and got myself ready. In the hallway, I ran into my neighbor, Bob. He told me there was a Whole Foods much closer that I should check out, especially if I'd be buying produce. I told him I'd check it out and happily walked on over. Its always puzzled me if people use their own carts in the store, or if they use the grocery store one and put theirs in the lower rack, or any other myriad of options. I asked my boss and she told me people use their carts, so I did just that--except I was the only one and everyone was staring at me.

I maneuvered my way around the produce section, feeling a little overwhelmed and grabbed some random things. Then I started my way up and down the aisles. I had some idea of what I was there to get, but to my dismay, most of the things there were too high in calories or fat for my taste. Just because its organic, doesn't mean its healthy. I was appalled at how unhealthy some of that stuff was, meanwhile these trendy New Yorkers are eating it up, thinking they're so great because they eat organic.

I was growing increasingly more irritated when I decided to just make my way to the check out line and that I'd just go to a different store tomorrow night. At that moment, a lady dressed in all black with her hair in chopsticks started wheeling her cart very close to mine and while I walked straight, she kept getting closer and closer to mine. In a few seconds, she was so close to me that her wheels got tangled in mine and she seemed completely oblivious to it! I was so annoyed that I sped past her to get in the check out line and all of a sudden, that same lady's cart rammed into the back of my ankle at warp speed, making a crashing noise on impact. I turned around, even more annoyed when I saw it was the same woman and gave her the death stare. I pulled over to survey the damage, my ankle was throbbing and burning and weak all at once and I was convinced something was actually wrong. She saw me inspecting my leg and sped away, mumbling a sorry as she wheeled away.

I stood in line, praying I was in the right one (it appeared there was an intricate system that I was not aware of) and weaved through the maze of control barriers. The check out was difficult enough but I made it through. I finished up and went to take the escalator back up where I came from only to find that it was out of order. In my experience, when the up escalator is broken, they should (and usually do) turn the working down escalator into the up one, and everyone is happy. Not here. There was no way I could carry the granny cart up all those steps. I found an elevator in the back of the store. When one opened and everyone filed out, I started to wheel my cart in and the doors began to close. The girl inside the elevator just stared at me, and I yelled, "Are you going up??" She just stared at me some more, blankly, and I watched as the elevator ascended upwards. Rude.

I got in another elevator with two other people. I thought I'd want to get off on the G level, but one man got off there and it didn't look right so I stayed on. The next lady got off on another floor and that didn't look right either. I got off on the floor after that so I could look around and get my bearings. Wheeling my cart around, in the world's worst pony tail, wearing rubber flip flops and a confused expression, I was surrounded by fancy restaurants and classy people. I frantically pressed for the elevator so that I could get back on. I was so confused about where I was and how I ended up there and becoming increasingly more flustered. I got on the elevator and pressed the button for a floor I hadn't seen yet. I stood there for a second and decided that I should just push all of them until I found the right one.

Smart idea right?

Well it is when no one else comes on the elevator. Nothing with me is that easy, though. Why? Because that's the way it is! The elevator stopped on the one floor I didn't press and I stared at all those buttons, lit up, screaming attention to themselves. Finally, I couldn't take it anymore and I exploded in laughter. I started the the girl in the elevator and said, "I'm sorry, I can't figure out how to get the heck out of this building soo...I just pushed every button..Hope you're not in a rush!" She assured me she gets confused all the time too, and still can't find Whole Foods. I told her I could find that but I really just wanted to find an exit. She helped me find a way out and as I thanked her on my way out of the elevator, she called back, "Don't worry! This place is a circus!" That made me feel a little better, but not much. I then strolled through the building, passing Coach and Gucci, still feeling extremely underdressed and inferior!

I hurried home and as I was unloading my food, I noticed that I came home with NOTHING I set out for. I wanted to buy peanut butter, snacks to bring to work, cold cuts, yogurt, tupperware, and stuff I can easily make for dinner with my one pot and one frying pan. I came home with mild salsa, apple sauce, some kind of pasta sauce, and something called potato littles.

Needless to say, after I put everything away, I had to go right back out to the mini grocery store on my street and buy what I actually set out to buy.

Why? Because that's the way it is!