Intern Chick

It was a warm autumn day and I heard the office assistant, Mike, on the phone, finishing up a conversation saying, "Ok. I'll get Intern Chick to do it." What? Mike busily started googling stuff on his computer, printed out a bunch of papers, stapled them together and said, "Intern Chick. Here is your Fun-Pack for the day. I need you to go to the Mandarin Oriental and pick up a CD from a friend of Bradley's (the president)."

I made my way to the plush hotel and called the president for instructions. He told me to go up to the guy's room. Of all the people working in this office, I was the only female. Why in the world would someone pick the only female to go to the hotel room of a strange man by herself? I went to the front desk, gave them the guy's name and made my way up. I knocked on the door and nothing in the world could prepare me for what I was about to walk into. A man answered the door, standing in his boxers and slippers, a red velvet robe draped over him. I stared down at my Fun-Pack, flipping through the pages, praying I was in the wrong place. I followed him in and began taking inventory of the red flags setting off my Creep-O-Meter.

On a small table, I caught a glimpse of the largest bottle of liquor I have ever seen (completely empty) and blunt guts strewn about. That would explain the burping/coughing half dressed man in the middle of the afternoon. I turned the corner of the room to see more alcohol, more blunt wraps, and the largest amount of weed I've ever seen in one place. There were two beds, side by side, one completely made and the other with the sheets and blankets wrapped up and tangled. I blinked my eyes to find, what else, a half dressed woman in that bed! If that wasn't awkward enough, she then held out her hand and introduced herself to me, as if this is perfectly normal. I'd had enough at this point and asked for the CD. Mr. Man here informed me that he didn't have the CD because he didn't know how to burn said CD on his brand new MacBook.

He blew weed seeds off the top of his laptop and asked me to show him how. I looked around for a place to sit and the only place was the other bed. Just me, half dressed man and woman on a Wednesday afternoon, chillin' in a hotel room with enough booze and drugs to get the entire city of New York high as a kite. Nothin' out of the ordinary here.. I opened iTunes and next thing I know, the guy sat down right next to me, I could feel his breath creeping down my neck. I tried to focus and just hurry up and get the CD burnt but since not one single song was labeled (other than Track 1, Track 2, etc) we had to play every one until we found the right ones. I burnt the first one and then he insisted burning another. Let's not forget here that I had no idea why I was burning these CDs or what they were supposed to be, no matter how many times I asked, no one would give me an answer.

As the last CD was burning, the man excused himself to go to the bathroom. As soon as it finished I picked up my things, said goodbye to the woman who was now asleep (or experiencing an overdose, I can't be too sure) and made my way to the door. If I hadn't been creeped out or disgusted enough, the guy was standing over the toilet, peeing, with the door wide open. He looked up at me, smiled and waved goodbye.

The icing on the cake? Two years later, at another internship in publishing, that man was listed as one of our songwriters and guess who answered the phone the one day he called?